I had tithing settlement this evening, and while talking to my Bishop, he said so many wise things that I want to make sure to remember. He asked me how life was going, and after I gave him a rundown of the day-to-day things going on, I said that I was just working on making sure I feel relevant, that I'm constantly on the lookout for things that will bring me joy and fulfillment. He told me that I was appreciated in the ward, and then we got to talking about being older and single in the church. We both agreed that moving to Utah isn't usually the answer to singlehood. He explained his experience coming back from his mission to the sparsely populated Texas Panhandle. He distinctly felt that since he was born and raised in Texas, that is where the Lord wanted him to live and do good. If the Lord could provide wives for Isaac and Jacob, he could find a wife for a Texas boy, too. And he did. That really stuck with me. If the Lord found wives for Isaac and Jacob, who really lived in the wilderness, he can somehow help me find an eternal companion, even though it seems less and less likely that such a person exists.
The other thing my Bishop talked to me about was the Lord's timetable. He said that just because God withholds blessings for a time, doesn't mean those blessings will somehow be diminished when we do receive them. He has a way of compensating for delaying the blessings. It's not up to us to expect how and when we will receive them. If he has promised them, we will receive them. He told me, as he has before, about the long wait he and his wife had before they were able to have children. He told me about a situation in his family. His father passed away when he was five years old, just a few years after they were sealed as a family. Several years later his mother remarried, to a righteous man who helped raise her children with love and kindness. My Bishop loves his stepfather, and it always bothered him that, because his mother was sealed to his father, his stepfather wasn't sealed to anyone. It bothered him until he left for his mission, and he finally expressed his disturbed thoughts. His Mission President (or some other leader) told him that he just needed to let it go. The Lord WILL work everything out for our satisfaction and happiness. Just because my Bishop's stepfather isn't sealed in the temple does NOT mean he will miss out on exaltation. He felt very strongly that he should marry his wife, he is blessed for making that decision, and he will be eternally blessed.
My Bishop does not just give soothing words of comfort, as some would. He is blunt and honest about how hard life is, how it is supposed to be hard, and how we need to keep things in perspective. The two times I've met with him, it's been very emotional in a way I don't usually let myself be. I'm not much of a crier (not in front of people, at least), but I wept so much internally during those two meetings that it almost spilled over, and I almost felt more discouraged afterward. But sometimes the truth is hard. I don't need to just be told that it's gotta happen, because I deserve it (although my Bishop was also blunt about the fact that my situation is through no fault of my own). I need to accept that it's the Lord's timetable I'm on, and this waiting shouldn't matter. The fact that I could be raising children in my sixties shouldn't matter. Instead of resenting my patriarchal blessing (something I realized only recently that I do a little bit) for detailing blessings I've started wondering whether will ever come to pass, I need to embrace it with renewed faith and determination to see through the direction that God has given me. Just because the promised blessings haven't happened in the way I envisioned them before, just because I can't even envision how they will happen at all now, doesn't mean the Lord doesn't have absolute power to grant them when and how he sees fit.
One more thing my Bishop said that might be the most profound is that people always talk about great miracles, such as the parting of the Red Sea. According to him, parting the Red Sea wasn't one of the Lord's great miracles. The elements simply heard the voice of the Lord and they bowed before it. The greatest miracles are when people, who have their own agency, choose of their free will to follow the Lord. I feel like I have such a limited understanding of how important agency is to us eternally, and how much it affects every aspect of our lives. I've begun to see more clearly in the past few years, partially through my efforts to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, how much every other individual's agency affects me. It might seem unfair for God to leave us to make our own choices with such limited information about the ramifications of our decisions. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to hurt each other so much, that we didn't have to be so clueless while doing it. But Heavenly Father wants us to gain knowledge through our own efforts. That's how we become. Are we anything other than dust if that hard-won wisdom isn't etched on our souls?
These are random thoughts, but I think (I hope) I'm starting to see a few experiences a little more clearly now, past the unpleasantness to the beautiful reality that we are all children of God thrown together to figure things out and that He wouldn't allow us to inflict so much pain on each other if it weren't absolutely necessary to allow us that power.
The other thing my Bishop talked to me about was the Lord's timetable. He said that just because God withholds blessings for a time, doesn't mean those blessings will somehow be diminished when we do receive them. He has a way of compensating for delaying the blessings. It's not up to us to expect how and when we will receive them. If he has promised them, we will receive them. He told me, as he has before, about the long wait he and his wife had before they were able to have children. He told me about a situation in his family. His father passed away when he was five years old, just a few years after they were sealed as a family. Several years later his mother remarried, to a righteous man who helped raise her children with love and kindness. My Bishop loves his stepfather, and it always bothered him that, because his mother was sealed to his father, his stepfather wasn't sealed to anyone. It bothered him until he left for his mission, and he finally expressed his disturbed thoughts. His Mission President (or some other leader) told him that he just needed to let it go. The Lord WILL work everything out for our satisfaction and happiness. Just because my Bishop's stepfather isn't sealed in the temple does NOT mean he will miss out on exaltation. He felt very strongly that he should marry his wife, he is blessed for making that decision, and he will be eternally blessed.
My Bishop does not just give soothing words of comfort, as some would. He is blunt and honest about how hard life is, how it is supposed to be hard, and how we need to keep things in perspective. The two times I've met with him, it's been very emotional in a way I don't usually let myself be. I'm not much of a crier (not in front of people, at least), but I wept so much internally during those two meetings that it almost spilled over, and I almost felt more discouraged afterward. But sometimes the truth is hard. I don't need to just be told that it's gotta happen, because I deserve it (although my Bishop was also blunt about the fact that my situation is through no fault of my own). I need to accept that it's the Lord's timetable I'm on, and this waiting shouldn't matter. The fact that I could be raising children in my sixties shouldn't matter. Instead of resenting my patriarchal blessing (something I realized only recently that I do a little bit) for detailing blessings I've started wondering whether will ever come to pass, I need to embrace it with renewed faith and determination to see through the direction that God has given me. Just because the promised blessings haven't happened in the way I envisioned them before, just because I can't even envision how they will happen at all now, doesn't mean the Lord doesn't have absolute power to grant them when and how he sees fit.
One more thing my Bishop said that might be the most profound is that people always talk about great miracles, such as the parting of the Red Sea. According to him, parting the Red Sea wasn't one of the Lord's great miracles. The elements simply heard the voice of the Lord and they bowed before it. The greatest miracles are when people, who have their own agency, choose of their free will to follow the Lord. I feel like I have such a limited understanding of how important agency is to us eternally, and how much it affects every aspect of our lives. I've begun to see more clearly in the past few years, partially through my efforts to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost, how much every other individual's agency affects me. It might seem unfair for God to leave us to make our own choices with such limited information about the ramifications of our decisions. Sometimes I wish we didn't have to hurt each other so much, that we didn't have to be so clueless while doing it. But Heavenly Father wants us to gain knowledge through our own efforts. That's how we become. Are we anything other than dust if that hard-won wisdom isn't etched on our souls?
These are random thoughts, but I think (I hope) I'm starting to see a few experiences a little more clearly now, past the unpleasantness to the beautiful reality that we are all children of God thrown together to figure things out and that He wouldn't allow us to inflict so much pain on each other if it weren't absolutely necessary to allow us that power.
No comments:
Post a Comment