Troubles with Charity

Several weeks ago in institute we were reading chapter 7 of Moroni when I came across the verse that begins with "And charity suffereth long, and is kind..." A pang shot through me that almost made me cry. Charity has been a difficult subject for me for a long time because of its association with one of the hardest times of my life. Someone very close to me accused me of not having charity. It was one of those cases where I was trying to do all I could to help this person, but it had long since become detrimental to my own emotional health, and I didn't know how to keep it up anymore. I did all I could to be sensitive to my friend's feelings, but in my confused state I made a lot of mistakes, and it wasn't enough. Being told that I wasn't charitable when I had tried to do so much was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me.

That day in institute though, I knew that it was time to tackle that feeling. I'd been living in fear of charity for three years. Three years is way too long to be running away from the pure love of Christ. I decided I needed to figure out exactly what charity is and what I need to do to be more charitable minded, to measure myself against what the scriptures say instead of what my friend expected, or what my wounded, defensive feelings said.

I read every scripture on charity listed in the Topical Guide and started writing my thoughts on them and how they applied to me. The hurt and fear fell away with my better understanding of that beautiful attribute. I didn't finish the essay, but now I think it's time to. Maybe when I'm done I'll share it here.