I have a bad habit of not writing down significant thoughts that I have, and then either forgetting about them, or feeling like they're crowding my brain and getting overwhelmed. Overwhelmed was what I felt this morning and since I usually come home from church exhausted, I knew I would have to take a notebook to church and write them down there. I scribbled so much during Sacrament Meeting (don't worry, I was listening at the same time) that I'm determined to take a notebook with me to every church meeting. It also means that I'm going to write more than one blog post today. I'll space them out so they don't all appear at once, though.
Yesterday I went to the temple for the first time in over a month. Before that, it had been about four months since I'd done an endowment session, even though I'd worked in the baptistry a couple of times. A few years ago I would attend the temple almost every week, and I'm not sure when that changed. It was a spiritual and emotional necessity while I was Relief Society President, and a survival tool even after that. Without even fully realizing it, I was trying to figure out who I should be, where I belonged, and where my testimony was. In contrast, lately I've been occupied with other things (house!) and comparatively very happy. I haven't felt the necessity to go to the temple, and the Spirit hasn't been prompting me to go all the time like it used to.
I'm taking this to mean the Heavenly Father wants me to stand on my own two feet now and make a habit of attending the temple without being compelled or prompted.
I noticed yesterday that I am still in a bad mood every time I'm getting ready to go to the temple. Satan still hasn't let up on trying to get me to change my mind through irritability. I snapped at my roommate yesterday morning, but by the end of the session, I was prompted to apologize.
I've been grumpy pretty often the past few months and I know part of it was the stress of moving and adapting to a new place with new people. I know it because in May, once I finally felt settled, I found some relief. Another part may be because I don't feel like I have to repress those feelings, superimpose the semblance of happiness over them, in order to put on a good face. I don't feel like I have to be someone I'm not anymore. I do wonder, though, if I've been grumpy more because I haven't been attending the temple. It really helps me put things into perspective, and by not going, it's easier for my moods to get out of control.
Allison said yesterday morning something about how in her workplace, there is an effort to nourish everyone's sense of responsibility. We have a tendency to make excuses when we don't get things done, fudging the truth ("you didn't tell me that!") to cover up for times when we either forgot to do something, or weren't as on top of things as we should have been. That has a huge application to my attitude. My irritation may be situational, but my mood is my responsibility and no one else's. It really stuck with me because just the night before, I was annoyed that my two friends had planned a party that was specific to all three of us, but didn't tell me what night they picked until the day before (if they did, I didn't hear it). I would've suggested another night, knowing I had to clean my old house that night since it was the end of the lease. We ended up pushing the get together back until after I was done with the house, and my roommate was kind enough to help clean. But I was still in a bad mood about it. Why? Because I still stayed later, and was too hot and spent to want to wear a dress appropriate to the party.
On the drive over, I had all these passive-aggressive comments running through my head about why I wasn't wearing my dress, putting it all on them. By the time I pulled up though, I realized how much of a jerk I was being. I had already expressed my disappointment that this night had been chosen, and that should've been the end of it. My bad mood had nothing to do with my friends, so before I went in I prayed that I could let go of my bad mood and enjoy the evening. And it was fabulous.
My goal from now on is to recognize when I'm not taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, and change it. Attending the temple more will help me be able to keep that perspective.
Yesterday I went to the temple for the first time in over a month. Before that, it had been about four months since I'd done an endowment session, even though I'd worked in the baptistry a couple of times. A few years ago I would attend the temple almost every week, and I'm not sure when that changed. It was a spiritual and emotional necessity while I was Relief Society President, and a survival tool even after that. Without even fully realizing it, I was trying to figure out who I should be, where I belonged, and where my testimony was. In contrast, lately I've been occupied with other things (house!) and comparatively very happy. I haven't felt the necessity to go to the temple, and the Spirit hasn't been prompting me to go all the time like it used to.
I'm taking this to mean the Heavenly Father wants me to stand on my own two feet now and make a habit of attending the temple without being compelled or prompted.
I noticed yesterday that I am still in a bad mood every time I'm getting ready to go to the temple. Satan still hasn't let up on trying to get me to change my mind through irritability. I snapped at my roommate yesterday morning, but by the end of the session, I was prompted to apologize.
I've been grumpy pretty often the past few months and I know part of it was the stress of moving and adapting to a new place with new people. I know it because in May, once I finally felt settled, I found some relief. Another part may be because I don't feel like I have to repress those feelings, superimpose the semblance of happiness over them, in order to put on a good face. I don't feel like I have to be someone I'm not anymore. I do wonder, though, if I've been grumpy more because I haven't been attending the temple. It really helps me put things into perspective, and by not going, it's easier for my moods to get out of control.
Allison said yesterday morning something about how in her workplace, there is an effort to nourish everyone's sense of responsibility. We have a tendency to make excuses when we don't get things done, fudging the truth ("you didn't tell me that!") to cover up for times when we either forgot to do something, or weren't as on top of things as we should have been. That has a huge application to my attitude. My irritation may be situational, but my mood is my responsibility and no one else's. It really stuck with me because just the night before, I was annoyed that my two friends had planned a party that was specific to all three of us, but didn't tell me what night they picked until the day before (if they did, I didn't hear it). I would've suggested another night, knowing I had to clean my old house that night since it was the end of the lease. We ended up pushing the get together back until after I was done with the house, and my roommate was kind enough to help clean. But I was still in a bad mood about it. Why? Because I still stayed later, and was too hot and spent to want to wear a dress appropriate to the party.
On the drive over, I had all these passive-aggressive comments running through my head about why I wasn't wearing my dress, putting it all on them. By the time I pulled up though, I realized how much of a jerk I was being. I had already expressed my disappointment that this night had been chosen, and that should've been the end of it. My bad mood had nothing to do with my friends, so before I went in I prayed that I could let go of my bad mood and enjoy the evening. And it was fabulous.
My goal from now on is to recognize when I'm not taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, and change it. Attending the temple more will help me be able to keep that perspective.
I'm glad something I said helped :)
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